Are you thinking about suicide? Thinking about how, if you killed yourself, no one would care?
Think again.

If you kill yourself, you will change somebody’s world. They will see everything differently. Just hearing your name will burn their mind with memories. They won’t be able to go near where you lived, even your town will hold memories. Listening to the radio they’ll hear that song, remember, that song you sang with them once? They’ll step past your locker every day and wonder why you are not there. 

Everyone around you will stop and think; “Was there something I could have done?” Suddenly the people of your world are dying with guilt. All those little hints you gave, they’ll remember them. Oh yes, and it will torture them all the time.

Your friends will think of suicide. Your closest friends are likely to go into a depression like the one that claimed your life. How will they cope, without you? This will break them, for the rest of their lives. And lets not forget the people who will plan your funeral. Your closest friends and family picking out songs for you, photos of you. Crying all the night before, and all the day of your funeral. And all the night after. In fact, they will cry now more than you ever did. Could they have saved you?

They loved you. And now it’s too late. They’ll be angry with you because they know, they know you could have gotten through it. Then they’ll be angry with themselves because they may have been able to save you if only they knew.

And one day, one day years from now, they’ll remember you. They will all still remember you. The girl that sat up the front of your class; she’ll remember you. The bus driver you saw every morning; he’ll remember you. That little girl you sat with on the bus once, The kid you leant money to at the shop, all your siblings friends, the people that you dont talk to, but that see you everyday; they will all remember you. And every single one of them will wonder; why?

But imagine your family.
You are part of them. Without you, something is missing. If you killed yourself then part of them dies too. They are incomplete. Every family gathering will be missing something. The photos on the wall are suddenly all cold reminders of what you did.

Who goes through your bedroom? Who cleans out your locker? Who calls the school to tell them one of their students has died? Who calls the funeral directors? Who arranges a coffin for you? Who calls your best friend to tell them you’re dead?
Who finds you?

Please, keep fighting. You can get through this and see that there is life after what you’re facing now. It may be hard, but you’ll get there, and when you do you will appreciate it so much more. I understand that most people know that suicide affects others, but please keep this in mind if you’re ever feeling so low. Give people the chance to help you.

I’m not going to tell you that ‘it gets better’. Because if you are feeling so low that you feel suicide is the only option, things aren’t going to change overnight. You won’t wake up one morning and be able to look at the world in a completely positive light. But things can get more bearable, and there are steps you can take to improve how you feel. You don’t have to feel like this forever.

I also know that as just one person, I probably won’t be able to change your mind. But I’m hoping that I can help to influence you to hang in there at least a little longer.

I can think of so many reasons not to kill yourself, but right now I am going to focus on suicide methods. Here’s some common suicide methods, with some drawbacks for each:

1.  Hanging
   It’s not easy to hang a person quickly and painlessly. usually, the neck gets broken and you are left hanging for up to 30 minutes, in extreme pain and discomfort. the rope could break and you would fall to the floor, which could leave you paralysed for the rest of your life. 
2. Cutting to ‘bleed out’
   This method is not only extremely painful, but almost impossible too. You may already self injure and be used to seeing blood and feeling the effects, but you’re still here, reading this, which means you have never successfully killed yourself by cutting. This means that it is difficult to succeed in doing, and I would imagine that it is a terrifying experience.
3. Jumping in front of a speeding train/car
   In my opinion, this is possibly the worst possible method, because it forces someone else to take your life. I’m not trying to undermine your feelings by saying this, but I’m sure the amount of pain you’re in isn’t worth giving another human being that lifetime of guilt. Think about what you would be doing here, forcing someone else to live with that horrific memory for the rest of their life.  
4. Overdose
   A lot of people think that taking a few dozen pills or whatever is the quickest, most easiest way of ending your life. It’s not. First of all, in most circumstances it would be very difficult to get something strong enough, or enough of something, to kill you. Most of the time, the body tends to wait until you’re unconscious and then vomits the pills back up. You could end up permanently damaging your body. If it does kill you, it will most likely be a slow and painful death, during which you could easily be having second thoughts.
5. Shooting yourself
   More than half of attempted gun suicides wake up in hospital: this could mean being in a wheelchair for the rest of their life, or missing part of their body. If you did succeed it would be very messy, and whoever found you would never be able to get the image out of their head.
6. Jumping
   My brother’s best friend knows a guy who jumped off the golden gate bridge, and survived. He was wearing heavy boots that broke his fall. If my memory serves me right, about 30 people have stepped forward and said that they survived jumping off the bridge. All of them who have come forward say that they are thankful for surviving, and that the second they jumped, they prayed that they would survive. Many roof-jumpers change their mind half way down, realizing that it will be painful and that there is no going back.

Please keep in mind that in the methods that leave you unconscious also leaves the possibility of someone finding you and taking you to hospital. The methods that leave you wide awake leave you to experience the last few seconds of terror that death is upon you. Think about all the things you’ve been scared about, like ghosts, murderers, monsters? As you are dying, those things seem so insignificant as you are staring death in the face. Once you take those pills, pull that trigger, let your feet leave that platform…There’s no going back.

I made this post because I know that not everybody will believe the “it gets better, people will miss you, life is beautiful”. I know that if you are thinking about ending your life, things really aren’t great for you right now, and it’s almost impossible to imagine things just ‘getting better’.

So in a nutshell; suicide just isn’t worth it. Even if we have a shitty existence for the rest of our lives (which is actually fairly unlikely, because as cliché as this sounds, it does get more bearable)…it’s life. And we can spend part of it wishing for death, but fact is, we are all going to die someday. I am going to die. You are going to die. Everyone who has ever lived and ever will live, is going to die. It’s inevitable. So why ‘check out early’, when there are solutions to what you are feeling now?

Thank you for reading this far - that’s already a sign that you are willing for things to get better for you. Please don’t hesitate to come and have a chat if you need to.

Much love.